Pelvic pain

Dear readers,

Well, guys it seems I’ve gone backwards, last night I was in so much pain that I had to take two diazepams which did fuck all. This morning I woke up and struggled to get the sling under to get out of bed and I haven’t gotten dressed either.

I rang the doctors again and she came out and prescribed me morphine four times a day as well as an urgent referral to a pelvic specialist. She thinks I may have arthritis or bone on bone or even hip displacement.

I can only describe it as being pulled like a wishbone.

Yes, I’m feeling sorry for myself okay? You don’t need to tell me that. I’m so frustrated, I worked my arse off reducing my painkillers and hearing that I have to use them again is a kick in the balls.

Hopefully, something comes up and it’s able to be fixed, it’s just a waiting game now.

Huge thank you to my carer Emma who’s been so kind today. Thank you to you for reading this, I’m not looking for sympathy, just support.


Rachel Marie



A Royal Wedding

Dear readers,

Today has been very exciting in the Robb household, I’ve waited months for this wedding.

I’ve been up since 6 am this morning watching the news coverage! By five to nine I was in my best lemon tea dress complete with pearls and a yellow flower in my hair for the occasion, eyes glued to the BBC as I sipped my morning cuppa (it was too early for Pimms). I didn’t leave my armchair once.

I squealed when the Beckham’s arrived and swooned over Idris Elba as the chapel doors opened, all the while thinking; what’s Meghan wearing? Is Harry having Dutch courage? Will Kate recycle yet another outfit?

I did get a bit teary when I saw Harry and Wills, wishing that Diana could have been there.

She looked simply stunning, reminding me of Audrey Hepburn’s wedding gown in Funny Face.

Lunch for me was a cheese and onion sandwich and a slice of Victoria sponge and can of Pimms – the food gone before they’d said ‘I do’!

Again, it was lovely to see Charles walk with Meghan and offer his arm to her mother as they signed the register – it was lovely to see her being truly welcomed into the fold as the Windsor’s stood on the steps. Wasn’t Charlotte adorable? (I had to laugh when Zara Tindle looked bored to tears, not to mention princess Anne being compared to Hugh Hefner and Beatrice and Eugenie’s Pan Am and Hippy dress up!)

As an atheist, I found the religious bits dull but couldn’t help admiring the bishop’s passion as he gave his sermon on love. The choir was lovely too.

Today we witnessed history; a feisty feminist and biracial woman being welcomed into the bluest of bloodied families, a sign the monarchy is always changing. Something tells me that Meghan won’t be the shy and retiring type…. perfect for the wild Prince Harry!

I wish them love and happiness. Now, all we need is a disabled gay princess and I’ll be happy.

Catheter Tips

  • Drink plenty of water and avoid caffeinated drinks and citrus juice.
  • Tight clothes can restrict your flow so I suggest elasticated waistbands.
  • In case of bypassing put absorbent pads under your bedsheets and on top.
  • Try to have regular bowel movements.
  • Change your bag as little as you can, this minimises infection.
  • So that you don’t lose bladder muscle use a flip flow.
  • Clean your wound regularly
  • Twist your catheter regularly so that it doesn’t stick to your bladder wall and makes changes less painful
  • Do weekly flushes so that sediment doesn’t block your pipe.
  • Don’t let your bag gets too full and pull because you can rip your wound and bleed.
  • Change your statlock regularly and alternate between each leg so the skin doesn’t deteriorate.
  • Periods can irritate your bladder – leading to bypassing.
  • Did you know that herbal tea can irritate your bladder?
  • Have patience
  • If you feel self-conscious as to whether you smell of ammonia I suggest carrying a body spray.

I hope these help! Being catheterised is far from easy. A catheter should last twelve weeks but mine only lasts five.


Being bisexual and disabled

I’ve known since I was thirteen that I was bisexual but I wasn’t quite ready to embrace it yet and with rumours floating around school it made things harder. I felt a pressure to be over the top about my boy crushes and couldn’t really talk about my girl ones because it made some people uncomfortable. As you can imagine it made dating difficult and didn’t end up having my first relationship until I was eighteen.

People assume that because I’m disabled that I don’t have sexual desires but I do. Add to that being gay it just made me seem even more different and unrelatable. People assume that I want them to be my Carer, to fetch and carry but that’s not true I just want someone other than my family to see me as a person and not a wheelchair or gay. Just Rachel.

In 2015 I officially came out and it’s great. I’ve found a community that accepts my differences (you’d be surprised at how many women are disabled and bisexual!) yes, it does mean that my dating experiences are unique but aren’t everybody’s?

Currently, I am single and am searching for love but why when I mention that I’m disabled does the trail go cold? I’m just like everyone else inside. If society can be more accepting of the LGBTQ community in regards to dating, why can’t they accept that people with disabilities want fulfilling relationships?

I’m proud of being bisexual and disabled and I wouldn’t be lying if I said I didn’t encounter bullying because I did.

I just hope that if you’re reading this post that you take away the fact that just because somebody is different doesn’t mean they don’t feel and want the same things as you.

To thirteen year old me? Chin up honey you’ll be okay and stronger with what you go through. Everybody deserves love.


How I beat IBS

What is IBS?

It’s a condition where eating a certain food or having stress can put a strain on the digestive system. People may suffer from constipation or loose bowels as well as trapped wind and the feeling of constantly needing a wee.

How do I know it’s IBS?

You do so by keeping a food diary and noticing your triggers and consulting your doctor who may prescribe Buscopan: IBS relief.

What are the symptoms?

The main symptoms of IBS are:

• stomach pain or cramps – usually worse after eating and better after doing a poo

• bloating – your tummy may feel uncomfortably full and swollen

• diarrhoea – you may have a watery poo and sometimes need to poo suddenly

• constipation – you may strain when pooing and feel like you can’t empty your bowels fully

There may be days when your symptoms are better and days when they’re worse (flare-ups). They may be triggered by food or drink. (Taken from

In 2012 I was having the worst summer holidays of my life. Every time I ate something I was either throwing up or constipated and this was happening every day. I had no idea what was going on. Then it was after I came home from a holiday abroad that I was diagnosed with IBS. I let it rule my life for two years…

My mood was low, I had constant cystitis and I was struggling to cope until a doctor recommended taking a probiotic. Well, I was amazed! Within two days my symptoms had eased. It was strange to be able to eat and not dread the next day.

Fast forward to today and I don’t even have to drink the probiotic anymore! Just lots of water and fibre. Occasionally it flares up but isn’t half as debilitating as it used to be.

If you suffer from IBS I so recommend drinking actimel! It’s lovely to be able to be adventurous with food.


Belly, Heart, Intestine, Hands, Love, Blossom, Bloom

How I combat anxiety


  1. Whenever I get anxious I take ten deep breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth. As you breathe in place your hand on your diaphragm and visualise filling a balloon, as you exhale imagine the balloon deflating.
  2. I tend to listen to music – upbeat songs only.
  3. Writing it downstream of conscious can be very cathartic. Try making a list of things you are grateful for or make a list of your frustrations.
  4. Colouring
  5. Singing (alone!)
  6. Plaiting my hair
  7. Having a hot bath
  8. Talking to someone you trust
  9. Take fewer selfies
  10. Going for a walk.