I was inspired by a thread on twitter where people were brave enough to share their mental health journeys and so I decided to share mine with you.
In 2014 was when it got really bad, I think the trigger was that my health was deteriorating and I felt that the doctors weren’t listening to me because I knew there was something wrong with my back, I kept being fobbed off. I was also being badly bullied. (I couldn’t say anything because it would have made things awkward, looking back I wish I did.)
I started not caring about my school work, wanting to eat and sleep all the time and just feeling black. I felt like I was a burden to everyone. It didn’t help that my chosen career path had been blocked by a teacher. It was the last straw. It just all started crumbling down around me. I suddenly began feeling that I wasn’t good enough.
So I went to my GP and have been on Prozac ever since. Even now when I’m a 1000 times better then I was, I can’t get out of bed without it. I also found counselling helped me find coping mechanisms like blogging, I realised during my sessions that I’d locked a lot away and buried it deep and facing it was the only way to win.
No I’m not cured and yes sometimes I do get overwhelmed and fed up but, sometimes you need to be the hero in your own story and to want to be better. Yes, I’m finding things tough at the moment but they will pass. I found that I had to remove myself from toxic situations and friendships to get better and to trust that this is part of my journey in life.
I now live by the quote:
If you don’t deserve me during my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best. – Marilyn Monroe.
This Christmas will be a very anxious time for some of you and I am here if you ever need to blow off some steam. It sounds corny but it will get better. Depression isn’t something you can ‘snap out of’, it’s something you need to learn to live alongside with and accept that there will be bad days but, you’ll have amazing ones too.
Make 2019 the year of positivity and taking care of you.
For example, I vow to start eating properly even when I’m in pain, to go out more and not lock myself away and to say ‘No’ to things that I don’t want rather than letting people walk over me or answer for me.
What do you pledge for in 2019? Let me know below!