Breakthrough

budDear followers,

I’ve been grappling with a bit of low mood and motivation and to be honest, making excuses not to go out.

Well today, I did go out for the second time this week (third day tomorrow for bingo!) and I bloody enjoyed myself.

When I got my arthritis diagnosis and was told to keep warm, I took that literally and put myself on lockdown just to avoid a flare. But it happened anyway.

After recent intervention I decided to go back to college in September to do a foundation degree course in performing arts and then go on to do my degree in performing arts a year later.

I’m also going back to dance class, shitty wheelchair or not. If I wait for adjustments and injections I’m going to be missing out.

Life is not a spectators sport.

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Pics from my epic 21st!

I started drinking at 11:30 never again…. my sister surprised me with a visit!

Thanks for to my dad for an epic night, and I can’t wait for Saturday night bingo bash with my mum and the rest of the family.

I can’t wait to start my performance foundation degree in September it will be nice to get back on the stage again!

21 is the year of saying yes!! I’m going shopping with my friend Courtney tomorrow I’m definitely putting all my birthday money in the bank into my savings account as well as my royalties… Sorry but that’s me I’m boring and safe!

Don’t forget to get your copy of carefree and Consequence – i’ve had a lot of good feedback and a lot of my readers say it’s an easy read and it’s a sweet story that you can’t put down!!

ME: A survivors guide

Tips are my own and may not work for everyone – consult your doctor before making any major changes to diet or medications. Organise your medication for the week – I’m ashamed to say my mother does this for me. It’ll be easier especially during brain fog where you don’t have to think of what tablet to take. Say there’s a TV show you want to watch at 9pm but it’s too late for you? Well take an hour and half nap in the early afternoon because you’ll be refreshed but by the time 9pm rolls around you’ll be tired enough to sleep through the night later on. Don’t beat yourself up about flare days or having to cancel on friends – they should love you enough to understand, you already feel guilty and you don’t need added pressure on top. Make the most of good days even if it’s just a walk outside If you’re like me and whilst your body hurts but your mind is racing, let audiobooks/colouring become your best friend or treat yourself to a Netflix subscription. Natural sunlight is the best medication – typically the more vitamin D I have the more improved my ME is. Understand what’s a flare and what’s not – a diary is helpful thing to have especially when visiting the doctors. Flick the bird when someone says ‘Your illness isn’t real.’ You live it, they don’t. Keep hydrated Regular toilet visits help especially with all the meds. Anti depressants help – an invisible illness is hard to deal with Don’t get your hopes up about trials and new research. Connect with the chronic illness community on social media – you are not alone!

My Hemingway six word story challenge

Enjoy my attempt at the Hemingway Challenge She floated face down, ice cold.

Thunder struck, and hearts broke.

Their lips met also their souls.

Her face was illuminated, tears ran.

The sun shone, the world continued

Their limbs intertwined in passion’s dance.

He lit the spark in her.

Words flew between them; verbal war.

She teetered on the edge of reason.

Words said, bonds broken, time heals.

Angel with eyes of a devil

She escaped inner battles in daydream

Tapping away at the keyboard: Documenting.

The seasons came: He hadn’t changed.

Wars in her head, whilst in bed.

Miles to go, each step remembered .

Flags planted, possessions owned, life taken.

Kisses mean I am sorry or goodbye

The harp is the sound of love.

Worlds torn, uprooted, your flag planted.

Confession:

I haven’t been myself lately and it’s great that I’ve recognised that. I have been struggling mentally as well as physically. Especially as it’s coming up to my 21st birthday I don’t think I’m ready for the next part of my life. I feel lost I don’t know what my next steps are and I’m just helping my guardian angel of the guides me and helps me find out what my purpose is. I think I’ve been putting too much pressure on myself especially with launching a book and my own lifestyle brand I forgot to look after myself.

Am I an author? Am I blogger? Am I disable activist? I kind of don’t know who I am right now and I’m going to use this next year to find out who I am.

Depression isn’t easy and it doesn’t go away with one pill.. something you have to live with and control. It’s like me annoying an flatmate do you have to live with!

My Nan just said it’s the change of seasons. I may change my antidepressants or I may seek some counselling or it may just be a rough patch but I can’t get through like I’ve done 100 times before.

I know one thing; I’ll get through this and I’ll make people say that when I get up in the morning fuck she’s awake.

The social worker is coming out Monday (The day before my birthday) To discuss my parents having night respite so they go on dates and the housing situation. Perhaps I’ll have to start looking in the Swansea or Cardiff area. All I want is a residential place full of young people that let you do your own thing but, also learn from life skills because I’m not learning much sitting in my armchair typing away to you guys.

I hope some positives come from this meeting and that we get the ball rolling on my independence and breaking away from my mum and dad to make my own life.

I cannot wait until my new wheelchair arrived in my fantasy it arrives on my birthday! That way then I can go out, I can be comfortable and be perfectly aligned helping my back and my arthritis… this thing I’m going to do? Go to bingo, go to strip club, go and see a theatre show, go out for cocktails and my long-awaited book shopping trip… possibly a tattoo too.

I have to confess I haven’t started writing my second book because the thought of it do you stress me out in the moment and I want to be in the right place so that is it my best work for you guys.

Right now I’m just going to casually blog every now and then. I want to make the writing process phone again and not stressful. I want to go back to being fun and going back to what I write because I think that’s been lost with the success of my blog and my book.

If you’re feeling like me; don’t hold anything, go talk to someone. Don’t let anyone see your tiara slip; you’re not a princess, you’re a motherfucking queen and you can get through this and come out stronger.

Even rainbows need a little rain

Tasty Tuesday: Cake in mug

Cake = writing fuel

Plus I’m impatient so here’s one you can you make in under 10 minutes

Ingredients:

  • 1 egg
  • 4 tablespoons plain flour
  • 4 tablespoons caster sugar
  • 2 tablespoons cocoa powder
  • 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
  • 3 tablespoons milk
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking powder

Method:

  1. Mix flour, sugar, cocoa powder, bicarbonate of soda and salt in a microwave-safe mug; stir in milk, oil, water and vanilla extract.
  2. Cook in microwave until cake is done in the middle, about 1 minute 45 seconds

Today’s Tasty Tuesday treat is from www.allrecipes.com

Even a Palsy Princess can make this… I’m trying it this weekend! So keep an eye on my Instagram