I went to see my consultant on Monday, and she said there’s nothing wrong with my back and nothing wrong in my scans. I then had a sitting up up x-ray which showed that my scoliosis has degenerated which is a good thing.
But she seems to think the pain is coming from my pelvis because when she pressed on my pelvis fuck me did that hurt. She also had me lying on my front which exacerbated the pain even more.
So she’s referred me for anaesthetic injections into my pelvic muscles and then, if they don’t work they have to go down each and individual vertebrae to see where the problem is and where the pain is coming from.
I was honest with her and told her that the majority of the days I’m suicidal and I don’t want to be here anymore and continue living in pain. But now she’s given me a sliver of hope and I just have to hold on until then. She was shocked I only go out once a week because that’s all I can spend in my wheelchair despite it being new, she was appalled I still haven’t heard from pain clinic because I’m on some pretty big mads to comebat the pain daily. She also thought it was sad that I had to change my education plans and now I study from home instead of at a university.
If it wasn’t for my mum, dad and family and their unwavering support I wouldn’t be here typing to you.
So now I’m officially housebound; yes it’s like being in prison but with TV and better food! I promised my family I wouldn’t be leaving earth anytime soon and agreed there’s always hope. So to keep myself occupied I shall continue to blog about my boring life, write the sequel to my romance novel and carry on with my embroidery.
Giving up isn’t my style. If you are in a similar situation to me please confide in a friend or a family member because talking about it does help, I’m searching for some private counselling. depression and Dark moments are tough and there is no shame in getting help. You should not be ashamed of your chronic either, it’s a reminder of how strong you have to be every day and you should be proud that you survived your worst days 100% so far!
A huge thank you to my best friend Mel for always being there when I have a rubbish day and cheering me up and keeps me plodding along! You have no idea how much big impact you have had on my life.
Can’t wait to get this anaesthetic injections over so we can plan a girls trip to Italy! I’m calling it ‘rolling holiday’! (if you don’t have a sense of humour about life and you won’t enjoy it and you’ll cry all the time.
Hope everybody is okay? I’m here if anybody needs me, in between my writing breaks.
Don’t let anyone see your crown slip and not even a doctor or a consultant has the right to make you feel inferior. Your feelings and pain are valid it’s not all in your head.