Today when I was getting dressed the Carers suggested that I may want to go up a size in leggings. I was mortified, that’s always been my biggest fear (and shitting myself!) being seen as overweight. So once they left I shed a tear and vowed that I was going on a diet (My medication makes me put on weight, especially matazapine!) and I texted my mum and auntie and they were like fuck them, why do you worry about what other people think?’ They were right deep down I knew I was being irrational and my sister also said, ‘ if your doctor tells you that you need to lose weight then you lose it but if you don’t you don’t some people are naturally bigger than others and in this day and age of social media it has become normal to obsess and value ourselves by the number on the weighing scale.’ She’s totally right. I went for my six monthly review recently with the doctor and I told her that I’d had an increased appetite and she said that I don’t look overweight and that I shouldn’t worry about it. On the other hand, I worry about it because I cannot actively weigh myself to monitor it or do exercise due to pain and fatigue.
What I’ve quickly come to realise is that my body has to put up with a lot of stress and strain that perhaps other able-bodied people don’t realise (however that does not give me an excuse to eat junk food 24/7.) When I did diet for six weeks in January I was miserable and irritable and crave food even more.
I’ve decided that I am not actively dieting but I am going to try and make healthier food related decisions and not eat 8 Bourban biscuits while watching Ant and Dec‘s Saturday night takeaway or eating an entire chocolate orange whilst watching Casualty!
I just wanted to point out that even though I have a disability and I am proud of it, I still have body confidence issues like every other young adult in this age of social media and perfection.
Everything in life is better in moderation. I think we need to love our bodies and appreciate what they do for us particularly in my case with extenuating circumstances regarding my disabilities. There’s no point saying that you are beautiful and worthy and all that sentimental crap just say, okay this is what’s happened, this is what I’ve done, draw a line under it and move on. just except yourself on the choices you make and see each day as a fresh start.