Family Appreciation post: Your caregivers have lives too.

So as you all know I’ve been suffering with terrible constipation since going back on my MST medication, so, on Friday I went to the doctor because by now I looked two months pregnant and was constantly in pain.

So I tell the doctor what the problem is and instead of putting me on alternative medication he prescribes laxatives. So Friday night I’d had enough seeing as I had to miss taking my mum to the cinema to see the new Merry Popins film as I kept needing the loo. So I took the laxatives. From 7:30am till 6pm I’d been on the toilet 9 times.

I want to say thank you to my mum for her unrelenting patience as she put my on the loo each time, it’s not easy lifting a 20 year old woman. I’m sorry that the weekend was shite (pardon the pun) and I know we came close to blows but, I wanna say thank you. You put up with a lot from me and sacrifice a lot, (which included cancelling your hair appointment this weekend.) if it weren’t for you I would have been a mess. It was frustrating on both ends but, not as much for me as it was for you.

I know it seems there’s always something with me being ill but I promise I’m not doing it on purpose, it’s just shitty coincidence. I know being carer must be tough and I can’t imagine all the things you’ve missed because of me. But, if it wasn’t for your love I’d be fucked!

So thank you, amazing mum,

If one of your family members cares for you, you need to remember that they have their own needs and lives as well, it can’t be about you 24/7, you need to let them rant, take it on the chin, let them cool off and don’t get mad because at the end of the day, we could be shoved in homes in Russia or left at the mercy of the Care funding. So just let them know that you’re grateful and don’t take them for granted. It only takes one straw to break the camels back..

With all my book promo and arthritis diagnosis I forgot to show my mum and dad some appreciation and realise when they need a break.

So I plan on giving them a date night on Friday and see if I can get the care agency to fit in a bed call so my parents can enjoy themselves.

What was it like being diagnosed with depression?

It started in 2015 after I began A levels and a drama teacher said ‘you’ll get nowhere in your acting career with your disability’. To me I felt my world turned upside down because all my life I’d dream of acting, needless to say I was at a loss.
I was struggling as my sister went to uni and I felt alone and didn’t really have any close friends at sixth form and my back was deteriorating as was my mobility and independence,
I began to not care about my school work and had no motivation. I hid away when I was at at home watching box sets and binge eating. I cried at night and desperately wanted to not wake up and it was New Year’s Eve when I felt like nothing would get better, that’s when I decided to visit the doctor.

I hadn’t realised how much I was holding in; about being unhappy with school because I was treated by the TAs as if I was a nuiscence (I was only allowed to use the bathroom twice a day and not allowed to assess upper floors and libraries like others at break time due to the excuse of ‘fire safety’, in reality they wanted to manipulate us to conform to make their jobs easier.) and how I just felt so worthless after drama.

When he asked me, ‘any thoughts about suicide?’ I hesitated. Then tears rolled doewn my cheeks as I comptemplated holding my breath or holding a pillow over my face. I just continued to cry repeating sorry over and over. At that point my mum, my superhero, just hugged me.

The doctor prescribed me some medication and recommend I get counselling at school.
slowly the fog lifted and through counselling I found writing courses and planned my escape to another college where I could study creative writing and be treated like an adult.

Looking back I desperately wanted to tell a teacher about the TA but I just didn’t have the strength. I should have, so I can make a difference for other kids.

Now I’m much more confident and I now standup for myself more. I still have bad days but I just cuddle up with a cuppa and a good book waiting for it to pass. Blogging gives me a purpose I thank my readers and my creative writing teacher Rhodri and Lynda my ex counsellor

Internet dating

Yes I bit the bullet and I’m on Tinder. To be honest is the perfect app for me because there is no awkward rejections and I find I come across better over a keyboard.

It was  kim my PA to set up my account and I’m enjoying the experience. Right now I’m talking to a lovely girl who seem so honest and is a beautiful singer plus she’s a reader like me.
I’ll keep you posted.

My Disability and Me: accessible transport

It seems to me that when you have a disability you have to think ahead where ever you go and that includes transport. They’re been a number of times where I wanted to go out somewhere on my own,spontaneously to use the taxi and I’ve been told for wheelchairs you have to pre-book. It’s fair enough when you consider the cost to buy an accessible vehicle, the money to run it and finding patrons who want to use it. A lot of the taxi companies I’ve used I’ve had to pre-book between the hours of nine and 4 PM due to them being on schools. Some days they don’t even run taxis at all!! 

The best route to buy me a not too bad, i’ve never had a problem with space on the bus taken up by buggies but, on several occasions I’ve seen drivers not meet my eye when I am at the bus stop because they are too lazy to get the ramp down. Well, people like that shouldn’t be doing those jobs.
Trains I find are okay as long as you sweet talk aguard into finding space for you on carriage. Where I live there pretty good with the ramps when you are getting or getting off.
Thankfully now that my mum has a road car the van stays with me all of the time so kim and I can go to lots of places, for example, today we are going to Cardiff Bay!
I just wish that if I wanted to travel independently that my needs would be accommodated for whatever time of the day.
See @shonalouise twitter to see her on going fight with a bus company 

My disability and Me: How to conquer school bullies

My Disability and Me: School Bullies, a how to defeat guide

Dear Reader,

If you’re reading this and you’re going through a hard time at school and bullying, just know that you’re not alone. When I was thirteen I had to deal with from girls at school due to my sexuality and disability. Nothing was going to change unless I found the courage to do something about it. Here’s what you can do too:

  • Keep a log of all events that happened to you for evidence.
  • Run over their feet
  • Write an email to the Head Teacher
  • Photograph any physical wounds
  • Print out all social media harassment
  • Reach out to them, they lash out at others because they are probably feeling vunerable. 
  • Don’t let them see you cry.
  • If they use your disability as an excuse they are probably not used to meeting different people.
  • Lastly, bullying and discrimination are a crime – involve the police.

You is kind, you is smart, you is important. – The Help

An interview with beauty blogger Shona Louise

interview with beauty blogger, Shona Louise

Good morning! Last July I interviewed Shona Louise, a beauty blogger, an LGBTQ advocate and disability advocate. 

1)Why and when did you decide to start blogging? 

2) What was your first post?

3) What is your most popular post?

4) Meaning behind your blog name?

5) 5 things you wish you knew before you started?

6) What’s in your to be edited pile? 

7) Tea or coffee?

8) Audrey or Marylin?

9) Fave song at the moment?

10) What have you been reading lately?

11) Fave makeup brand?

12) Do you advocate LBTQ and disability?

13) What’s your hobby aside from blogging?

14) Do your family understand that blogging is a proper job?

15) Cosmo or Vogue?

16) Apple or Android?

17) Do you use any scheduling apps?

18) Who’s your favourite blogger?

19) Advice to new bloggers?

Below are her answers in bold: 

1) I started blogging nearly 6 years ago in 2011, I was at school at the time and was pretty isolated. I discovered the youtube community first and had a go at filming videos myself but once I’d discovered blogging I knew that was the creative outlet for me. The community offered my friendship and an escape and I’ve never looked back since.

2) My first post was a pretty standard and short introductory post, I’ve deleted a lot of my early posts now as they are really quite cringey but I decided to keep my very first one as it marks the start of the best thing that ever happened to me.

3) My most popular post is my 4 years of blogging anniversary post, which includes a giveaway so that’s why it’s so popular. My ‘true’ most popular post, one that isn’t a giveaway, is a post called ‘5 Things That Marfan Syndrome Has Taught Me’. Marfan Syndrome is a genetic condition that I’ve had all my life and in the past few years it’s affected me quite severely, leaving me in a powerchair, but I really wanted to document some of the good that has come out of having the condition and the life lessons it’s taught me, I couldn’t believe the reaction it got when I posted it.

4) My blog name is simply my first name and my middle name, it used to be ‘freshbeautyxox’ which is so incredibly embarrassing. I changed it just over 3 years ago when I bought my domain and I’m so glad I did!

5) 

1. I wish I knew that I would have been a lot better off writing about what I wanted from the start, instead of writing about what I thought was popular.

2. I really wish I knew how to take decent photos but I suppose we all start somewhere.

3. I wish I knew how to interact with brands and companies, understanding that I don’t need to say yes to every opportunity that comes my way.

4. I wish I knew from the beginning how much I would learn to adore blogging and how big a part it would become in my life, so that I could put in more effort from the start.

5. I wish I knew that one day I would become proud of being a blogger, instead of hiding it out of fear of being teased.

7) Neither, I’m not really a huge fan of hot drinks, water or juice for me.

10) At the moment I’m making my way through Becoming by Laura Jane Williams, it’s been on my to-read pile for a while and finally I’m getting around to reading it.

12) For years now I’ve advocated for disability rights, raising awareness of everything from ableism to accessibility issues but in the past year I’ve definitely taken things up a level, giving disability a bigger space on my blog. As for LGBT+ rights, it’s only been in the past few years that I’ve figured out that I’m bisexual/queer so I’m still learning and becoming part of that community. I’d really love to become more active in the LGBT+ community though.

13) Blogging is my one and only main hobby. My disability means I’m in pain all day, everyday and I’m also constantly tired so I don’t have the energy to give to loads of different hobbies so instead I put all of my energy in my blog.

14) For me, blogging isn’t a job. I rarely get paid for doing this and I simply do it because I love it. Unfortunately even if I wanted to turn it into a job I couldn’t because of my disability, it’s difficult to manage with it just being a hobby so I don’t think I could cope with it as a full time job.

17) I sometimes use Hootsuite but because I don’t work, I’m at home all day everyday so I have the time to tweet as and when I feel like a post needs promoting. 

19) My advice to new bloggers is take your time, don’t feel like you need to be at the level of the top bloggers within 5 minutes. Work hard, enjoy what you do and talk about things that inspire and motivate you.

Here’s where you can find her:

UK Disability, Lifestyle and Beauty Blogger

Marfan Syndrome Advocate

http://www.shonalouise.com

@shonalouiseblog (Twitter)

Let’s review 2018/ what I want in 2019

Here’s all the good things that happened in 2018:

  1. I got offered a publishing contract
  2. I got a job in PR
  3. I was on the news
  4. I got some work experience in broadcasting
  • Now here’s all what I want to happen in 2019
    1. Get my romance novel published
      Get my pain levels under control
      Help more people with my blog.
      Get my own flat
      Go on a date
      Get my wheelchair adjusted
      Get a new armchair
      Get a tattoo
      Eat healthier
      Be more positive

    What were your 2018 highlights? What do want to happen in 2019