Trying to explain to people about your condition.

Person: can you walk then?

Me: no

Person: so are you paralysed or something?

Me: no I can’t walk unaided and I can’t use a walker 24/7

Person: but you can walk!

Me: yes. If you look at it that way

Person: yes you can! Stop being lazy and use your walker more.

Me: alright then, I’ll do that and you take the stairs instead of using the lift.


The Head Teachers Award (Written In 2012)

Remember in one of my early posts when my ickkle blog just had 12 readers? I did a post about an award I had received at school. ‘The head teachers award’ for sticking up for my rights as a disabled student in 2012? Well, he’s had to write a letter for my Record of achievement (what we take to future employers/uni interviews) as proof that had the award. I just thought I’d share it with you: ‘I was delighted to be able to award Rachel my Headteacher’s award for Key Stage 3 in the Summer of 2012. Rachel was given this award, by myself, from well over 700 potential recipients.

Rachel is a truly remarkable young woman: she is popular with her peers and her teachers alike. She displays an absolutely fantastic attitude in everything that she does. Rachel’s philosophy is a simple one: she is totally determined to be the best that she possibly be in everything that she does. Rachel is not prepared to allow any obstacle to stand in her way.

I have been a teacher for 25 years and in all of that time have been involved with literally tens of thousands of young people. I can say, with all sincerity, Rachel is one of a handful who will always stay in my memory for her exceptional approach to life’,


Pain. Your like a suffocating blanket You’re the reason I cry You’re the reason I wish I was somebody else. Your the reason people can’t cope. You make me feel like running away. Pain. Sometimes I wish you’d fuck off. You’re the reason why I couldn’t go out today. You’re the reason I’m miserable, for making me feel that the simplest things are impossible some days. But, thank you pain. Because of you I’m gonna fight until you fuck off.

Being Body confident and comfortable with your disability

guys and dolls! Hope your having a great summer! (I’m already on vacation.) A small thought that’s been niggling at me for a while; I’m not body confident. Now being 6ST 81bs people tell me ‘your not fat, you’ve got a lovely figure!’ Which is nice but I don’t see it that way. Now because I sit down my stomach is sort of ‘crushed’ making it look bigger than what it actually is which makes me feel bigger than what I am. However when I lie horizontally it looks normal, but off course we can’t lie down all the time right? Like it makes me not want to wear bikini tops or shorts because of course, your thighs expand when you sit down. I just wondered if anyone felt the same? Also I hate my legs because when I stand up or sit down they turn inwards! I’m also not fond of my cp toes either because they look rank and I can’t wear flip flops. Nor, can I wear heels because my feet don’t bend (unless I have an operation to correct them, which means only one foot can be done one at a time making it painful!!) I don’t really like my ‘cp hands’ either. In one of my mums wedding photos I’m hugging her and my hand is on her shoulder but again sort of curved inwards and stiff. I think there’s a lot of pressure on this generation to look a certain way. For example, I feel different to the other girls at school because I don’t wear makeup. It takes a lot of time to do it and concentration so I don’t have time to do it before I go to school unless my mum does it and I don’t like asking her to do it everyday because she’s got stuff to do, ya know? She ain’t got time to make look like Cara Delgvine. But don’t get me wrong there’s stuff I love about myself such as my eyes and dimples. I know I preach personality shines the brightest but sometimes it won’t if you look self conscious. Now I ain’t about to embark on no crazy juice diet. I just need to know someone else shares the same securities I do. Can anyone share any tips on being body confident and having disability? Keep calm, keep laughing, be happy, don’t stop fighting you can do it!!

Startle reflex

I have a startle reflex which means I’m sensitive to loud or sudden noise, it even happens if somebody touches me, coughs or whispers to me if I’m not expecting it. This is something I genuinely can’t help and it’s the one part of my condition that I find most annoying. I can’t enjoy bonfire night, phyrotenics, New Years or a place that has balloons I know you all laugh and think it’s such a trivial thing but sometimes it can be quite annoying, it causes my muscles to tense and has spasms which aren’t very nice! even if a room is quiet and somebody puts a cup of tea down I may jump! Even the cinema is difficult. Well, not difficult but annoying! When the adverts come on and their really loud it’s caused me to drop my popcorn like, EVERYWHERE! (Remember Harry Potter: half blood prince mum?) so yeah it’s annoying and it will not be cured unless I’m very drunk! Lol! so people don’t laugh at my reflex I know it may seem utterly hysterical that a girl just randomly jumps at somebody coughing but FYI it’s EMBARRASSING. .That’ll be all.

PS using some old posts from my old Tumblr account where are used to talk about my disability.