Confession:

I haven’t been myself lately and it’s great that I’ve recognised that. I have been struggling mentally as well as physically. Especially as it’s coming up to my 21st birthday I don’t think I’m ready for the next part of my life. I feel lost I don’t know what my next steps are and I’m just helping my guardian angel of the guides me and helps me find out what my purpose is. I think I’ve been putting too much pressure on myself especially with launching a book and my own lifestyle brand I forgot to look after myself.

Am I an author? Am I blogger? Am I disable activist? I kind of don’t know who I am right now and I’m going to use this next year to find out who I am.

Depression isn’t easy and it doesn’t go away with one pill.. something you have to live with and control. It’s like me annoying an flatmate do you have to live with!

My Nan just said it’s the change of seasons. I may change my antidepressants or I may seek some counselling or it may just be a rough patch but I can’t get through like I’ve done 100 times before.

I know one thing; I’ll get through this and I’ll make people say that when I get up in the morning fuck she’s awake.

The social worker is coming out Monday (The day before my birthday) To discuss my parents having night respite so they go on dates and the housing situation. Perhaps I’ll have to start looking in the Swansea or Cardiff area. All I want is a residential place full of young people that let you do your own thing but, also learn from life skills because I’m not learning much sitting in my armchair typing away to you guys.

I hope some positives come from this meeting and that we get the ball rolling on my independence and breaking away from my mum and dad to make my own life.

I cannot wait until my new wheelchair arrived in my fantasy it arrives on my birthday! That way then I can go out, I can be comfortable and be perfectly aligned helping my back and my arthritis… this thing I’m going to do? Go to bingo, go to strip club, go and see a theatre show, go out for cocktails and my long-awaited book shopping trip… possibly a tattoo too.

I have to confess I haven’t started writing my second book because the thought of it do you stress me out in the moment and I want to be in the right place so that is it my best work for you guys.

Right now I’m just going to casually blog every now and then. I want to make the writing process phone again and not stressful. I want to go back to being fun and going back to what I write because I think that’s been lost with the success of my blog and my book.

If you’re feeling like me; don’t hold anything, go talk to someone. Don’t let anyone see your tiara slip; you’re not a princess, you’re a motherfucking queen and you can get through this and come out stronger.

Even rainbows need a little rain

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Red sunset by the River

Silks of red and burnt orange hang in between windows like a staged sunset. Hindi floats in the air as they converse the daily struggles. Their hands are worn and so are their eyes. Even as they beat their washing against uneven stones that stands at banks of rivers the long travelled dust settles on their clothes like snow flakes in the July heat. The maitrachs backs are bent and their movements synchronised Bollywood dancing in scilence with only the hindi and the river’s slaps against the banks to accompany them. Girls’s innocence are covered in white cloths. This is their future ubless something changes. Inspired The King and I

New manageable project whilst in pain: Short and Sweet.

I think this may be book 2: 365 writing prompts turned into completed compositions/poetry gathered into anthology.. ‘When it’s Me with a pen and paper versus ME and Persistent pain’. One small piece of writing a day approximately 500 words per page, with the actual prompt written for you at the top of the page (so you know what’s going on.) It’s a prompt book with all different genres.. you’ll get to see my spooky side, my thriller side and my funny side!! Obviously, the book will also give i#nformation on what ME is, some helpful tips and tricks and some organisations that can help.

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Right now I don’t have to worry about complicated scenes just yet. I just need to get over promoting my first book and getting my arthritis under control. My next big drama will be probably out by the end of next year. But I’m going to focus on this funny little project first. Do you think it’s a good idea? I’ve given myself the deadline of March 2020… Prompt or two a day; will bring you short compositions (like the ones I post on my blog from A-level) Your way.

Also please don’t forget to click on my carefree and consequence page where you can read reviews and click the links it will take you to buy you a copy on Amazon whether that be paperback, hardback large print, or kindle. Every ounce of support helps and you also gain recognition for what they worked hard for over the years and for not giving up

Rachel’s Reccomended Reads

The Storyteller’s Secret: A Novel

The Perfect Child

A Daughter’s Courage: An utterly heartbreaking novel of family secrets, tragedy and love

Beneath an Indian Sky: A heartbreaking historical novel of family secrets, betrayal and love

The Lost Daughter of India: A heartbreaking novel of tragedy and secrets that will have you hooked

That’s Another Story: The Autobiography

The Dressmaker

A Talent for Murder (Agatha Christie 1)

A Different Kind of Evil (Agatha Christie 2)

As the Sun Breaks Through (The Cliffehaven Series Book 15)

The Woman on the Orient Express

Adele

Lullaby

Seasons in Time: (1940s Time-travel Romance) (Time & Again Antique Shop)

Bollywood Wives: An addictive, sexy, gripping thriller that will have you hooked

The Paris Seamstress: Transporting, Twisting, the Most Heartbreaking Novel You’ll Read This Year

Her Mother’s Secret

Cinderella’s Dress (Fairy-tale Inheritance Series Book 1)

Cinderella’s Shoes (Fairy-tale Inheritance Series Book 2)

Snow White’s Mirror (Fairy-tale Inheritance Series Book 3)

Kissed: Belle; Sunlight and Shadow; Winter’s Child (Once Upon a Time)

Once: Before Midnight; Golden; Wild Orchid (Once Upon a Time)

Fairytale: Escape with a Magical Story of Love, Family and Hope

The Secret Mother: A gripping psychological thriller that will have you hooked

The Surrogate: A gripping psychological thriller with an incredible twist

I love retold fairytales, stories about India, autobiographies, anything set in the 1940s, and I love psychological thrillers. Here is a few of my favourites for you to peruse… enjoy my lovelies!

You’ll be so proud of me as I’m a hoarder I managed to take some books that were taking up space in my room to the charity.