Whilst my online persona and book are getting more recognition, it makes me happy for a second.
Then the gloom comes in. Whilst I’d love to get out independently this gloom hugs me tight like a weighted blanket and I don’t know why and finding it really hard to break free, no matter how much tough love I get, it makes me feel like a failure because I can’t even prove them wrong. Now usually that would give me the kick I need. I just don’t know what’s stopping me being bubbly…
The first step is to see the doctor. The second is to maybe see a counsellor? I think this is the first time where I’m envious of people enjoying their 20’s! For the first time ever my disability is controlling me instead of me calling the shots and that’s tough.
All I know is I have a great support system who may be frustrated but I know who loves me, even when they are being tough.
Phew, confession over! I know I need a cuppa (maybe joining slimming world will help give some confidence??
I know one thing, less TV and less junk food and a walk once a day before my uni degree starts and I’m swamped with work!
The fact that I know my signs of slipping are good so I can find away to fix them and go back to being me.
Take care of yourselves and be patient when loved ones are being tough – they don’t like seeing you go through this.
As you all know I’m determined to write this next novel in the next six months like my dear friend and author, Kitty Neale.
I finished my research for this young adult novel and I just hope I can pull off such a sensitive storyline. I begin the job tomorrow writing 303 words a day for the next six months.
The deadline for me to finish my novel is the 12th of October 2019. I’m hoping this will give me discipline when writing and learning to push through writers block.
I am very proud to be part of the LGBT community that will be featured in this book and I’ve spoken to many people of gone through the same experiences as my characters so I’m hoping it will be authentic. It’s time we read more YA books; they seem to be ignored as novels for kids between 13-17 And are they just keep the kids quiet. But actually they carry the most serious messages more likely than Sophie Kinsella.
I haven’t ditched writing for adults good. Right now if I can help, Young people find the path in life through my writing then I’ll consider it in a success, Young adult writers are undervalued by far, when ultimately they are the ones guiding their preteen readers through reading about certain subjects that might not be discussed at school or a book that just helps and figure out who they are. Young adult writers are very brave; they often write the taboo that society thinks children cannot handle , but they can thanks to our writing as We are helping them to understand what’s going on at the world at present without reading like a pretentious broadsheet article or being patronised with a five page Illustrated book meant for three year olds.
I hope you’ll join me on my writing again and it won’t be easy and I won’t be as active on here is much, to be a writer you must write… You have to make sacrifices so we can fit around your daily life and then you’re doing it subconsciously too.
I’ll pop in when I can. Probably when my mum hides my laptop and makes me take a rest so my ME doesn’t flareup as much.
If you’re reading this and you’re going through a hard time at school and bullying, just know that you’re not alone. When I was thirteen I had to deal with from girls at school due to my sexuality and disability. Nothing was going to change unless I found the courage to do something about it. Here’s what you can do too:
- Keep a log of all events that happened to you for evidence.
- Write an email to the Head Teacher
- Photograph any physical wounds
- Print out all social media harassment
- Reach out to them, they lash out at others because they are probably feeling vulnerable.
- Don’t let them see you cry.
- If they use your disability as an excuse they are probably not used to meeting different people.
- Lastly, bullying and discrimination are a crime – involve the police.
You is kind, you is smart, you is important. – The Help
In no particular order…
- John Travolta – okay so, I fell in love with John Travolta when he played Edna Turnblad in my favourite musical, Hairspray. Since then I’m a die hard fan and I’ll tell you why I was thirteen and my relationship with my dad was in a bad place and my stepfather is like a big brother. So after watching Look Who’s talking he’s taken on my ‘ideal dad’ role. Plus he’s a pilot and that’s fucking awesome. I have the majority of his movies and tv show both on DVD and digital. Favourite movie? It has to be Face/Off, that movie is so underrated. Craziest things I’ve done? Bid £100 for one of the suits he wore in face/off and I’ve written to him and didn’t speak to my mum for a week after she couldn’t take me to Drury Lane Theater when he was doing a candid interview on his sixtieth birthday. Oh! I also have ‘borrowed’ my Auntie’s Grease DVD and asked her to order me Welcome Back Kotter Season one from Canada for Christmas. Cannot wait to see Gotti! John, if you’re reading this, thanks for being there when I need cheering up and being such a huge influence in my life!
- Demi Lovato – I have officially have been a Lovatic since 2013. Demi helped me realised that I liked women and men. Her vocals are the best this generation has. She’s so refreshingly honest and candid about her journey. My fave album is definitely ‘Tell me you love me’ it’s off the charts. But, her song would have to be ‘Warrior’ just because of the message. Lovato is overalls sexy badass and it’s a privilege to have her music flowing through my earphones. FACT: confidence was my morning alarm all the way through my A levels… cannot wait for! D7 Sorry Not Sorry😉
- Kelly Preston – Um have you seen the She will be loved music video?! Also, love that she’s so charitable and just a cutie… I especially love her movie Mischief and for those who haven’t watched it, WATCH IT and those that have to know what I’m talking about – it’s s very perky movie.
- Zac Efron – My first crush. I’ve loved him since 2004 and have loved watching him blossom as a person and actor. My favourite movie? Me and The Orson Wells. Whilst my future husband is a comedy king I’d love him to do more dramatic pieces where his acting shines. I mean, have you seen Parkland, At any Price and Liberal Arts and CSC, Cannot wait for the Ted Bundy movie!! BTW I play rewrite the stars before bed and imagine that I’m Zendaya… ❤️ Love that he’s so adventurous, an animal lover, a sex god and that he too has been open about his struggles with fame.
- Michael Bublé – I was thirteen when I discovered Bublé through an iTunes free gift. The Hollywood album is definitely my fave. I love when he swears in interviews it’s just so sexy as well as having a voice like melted caramel. So glad Noah has kicked cancer’s ass, he’s a superhero. I love that Michael puts his family first and has stayed so grounded. Is it nice that he’s making a new record?! Hell yes! But he’s very much a family man but family happiness comes first. Mike, if you’re reading this congrats on your baby girl! FACT: I enjoy my Bublé with a crisp white wine and silk PJs.
If any of you lovely people on this list are reading this, THANK YOU ☺️
Hope you enjoyed this post!